no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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