Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
