Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I will pee on everything he values.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
