i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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