ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize