i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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