I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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