Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
