I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Randomize
