I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
