just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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