I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
