Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
so much tequila, so little girl.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
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