btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
