I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
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