Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
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