lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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