in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
