I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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