very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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