So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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