you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
