I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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