you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Randomize
