just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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