you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
