Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
