She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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