pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
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