I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
