i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Randomize
