So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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