that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
