you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
