I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize