so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
