I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
