My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i came on her dog
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
