i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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