She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
