Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize
