I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
