Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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