Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I still have a little drunk in my system
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
