i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
