period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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