im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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