sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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