I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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