I cut my penus on the lid.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize