Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
tell me about the fingering
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