My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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