I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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