how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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