Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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