I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
