i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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