so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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