It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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