i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
