I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
tonight lets celebrate not being married
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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