i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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