I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
