he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
