3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
