If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
