Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
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