We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Randomize
