READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Randomize
