You smell like stripper and shame
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Text me some of your sweat
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
