that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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