Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
