just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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