Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
