I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Randomize
