There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize