Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
