All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
