Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
