he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
