Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
