Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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