O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
