Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize