What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I intend to get homeless drunk
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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