I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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