this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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