Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
