somebody snuck up and got me drunk
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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