We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
