her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Your cock deserves a montage
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize