just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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