It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize