i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
