guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
