I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
