you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize