we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
