I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
