you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
