If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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