My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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